Insanity's Child
by Jesscheaux
Summary: Sanosuke goes out for a walk one day to find Kenshin engaged in an interesting activity.  Will he be dragged in? And what happens when Kaoru and Yahiko find out?! NON-Yaoi *ONESHOT, COMPLETE*


Insanity's Child: A Rurouni Kenshin fanfic  
  
Written by: Jesscheaux  
  
Disclaimer: I did not invent, nor do I own Rurouni Kenshin or any of the characters.  
  
Author's notes: I don't know what possessed me, but I recently did a crazy RP with Sanosuke, Kenshin, Kaoru, and Yahiko and I just couldn't stop myself. I felt the need to share it with the world! I have nothing against any of these characters, in fact, Rurouni Kenshin is one of my favorite animes. Please don't take any offense to it. It was written purely for amusement. WARNING: Cross-dressing ahead! (This fic is 100% NON-Yaoi)  
  
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It was another beautiful day in Tokyo and Sanosuke Sagara was out to enjoy it. He walked through the streets, hands in his pockets, and waved to all the acquaintances he saw. Little did Sano know, that this was no ordinary day.  
  
A particular shop interested him as he passed, so much so that the fighter formerly known as Zanza couldn't help but stop to look in it.  
  
A women's clothing shop.  
  
Now why did this particular shop interest Sanosuke? I'll tell you why, because right inside its very doors was Kenshin Himura, the legendary Battousai, TRYING ON WOMEN'S CLOTHING!!!  
  
Sano's eyes popped out of his head at this horrendous sight. "Kenshin?!!!" he yelled as he ran inside to stop Mr. Himura's publicly humiliating himself.  
  
"May I help you, sir?" one of the women who worked at the shop asked him sweetly.  
  
"Yeah, you can help me by stopping that MAN (emphasizing the word 'man') from trying on women's clothing!"  
  
Just at that moment, Kenshin noticed his extremely tall friend and waved at him amongst all the frills of the dress he was wearing. "Oh hello, Sano! Do you like my new dress?"  
  
Sano's mouth hung open; Kenshin was really buying this dress for himself, THE HORROR!  
  
"K-k-kenshin? Why in HEAVEN'S NAME ARE YOU TRYING ON WOMEN'S CLOTHES! Please tell me they're for Kaoru and you're the same size, PLEAASSSSSEEE!" Sano begged.  
  
"Why no, Sano! This is for me, doesn't it look lovely?" Kenshin said in a girly manner.  
  
Then Sanosuke noticed: Kenshin's voice was two times higher than normal!  
  
"Oh and Sano? Please call me Battousa."  
  
"WHAT?! BATTOUSA????????? Kenshin...you're taking this too far! What's gotten into you?!"  
  
"Now sir," the attendant that was helping Kenshin spoke up, "I'll have to ask you to please stop bothering this nice young lady."  
  
"YOUNG LADY?! Are you kidding me, miss??? This is a man! 100% M-A-L-E!"  
  
"We don't like to discriminate against people who's life choices may be different than our own." the attendent said and bowed, "Why don't I leave you and your girlfriend alone now?"  
  
"HE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!" Sano screamed, horribly embarassed. He turned to Kenshin, "I swear I'm going to kill you, Battousa..."  
  
Kenshin giggled.  
  
"You make me sick." Sano folded his arms.  
  
Kenshin stared at Sano for a moment then his eyes lit up at something behind him. He shrieked and grabbed Sano's arm, pulling him over to a rack of dresses. 'Battousa' pulled one off the rack and held it up to Sanosuke's chest. "My my, Sano," he said girlishly, "This would look great on you!" It was a long white dress, with black trim and frills aplenty.  
  
"WHAT?! You're out of your mind, Kenshin...you seriously need help!"  
  
"Come on now, don't be shy, try it on!"  
  
"Not in a million years."  
  
"Stubborn I see....well I'll have to persuade you then..." Kenshin said menacingly and pulled out his reverse-blade sword and stabbed the handle into Sanosuke's side, "I wouldn't want to have a repeat of the Seki Hotai incident, would you?"  
  
A low growl emitted from Sano's throat, "Kenshin..." he hissed, "This is blackmail...I SWEAR I'm going to kill you!"  
  
Kenshin smiled sweetly and pushed Sano into the dressing room, then gave him the dress.  
  
A few minutes later:  
  
"Finished? Come out, let me see it!" Kenshin said excitedly in his girly voice.  
  
"...*mumble mumble*...."  
  
"Now, ZANZY, I'm just dying to see it!" Kenshin gave Sano a female name, playing off of his old fighter-for-hire name.  
  
"Very well," Sano choked and stepped out of the dressing room.   
  
"*gasp* You look lovely, just charming!"  
  
"I've never been more humiliated in my life..." the newly crowned Zanzy muttered to himself.  
  
He moved over to the full length mirror and took a look at himself in the dress, then gasped, "Hey Kenshin, I don't look half bad, do I?"  
  
"I know, lets try something different with your hair!" Battousa the woman slayer reached up and grabbed the red headband off of Sano's forehead. His once spiky hair came tumbling down below his ears and Sano fluffed it up a little.  
  
"Well I'll be darned..." Sano mused looking at his cross-dressed self in the mirror, "I'm so hot, I think I'd date myself!"  
  
Outside:   
  
"I Yahiko Miojin will now go to the market to fetch Kenshin, who was supposed to buying tofu!" a young boy announced to no one in particular. In fact, he just really liked saying his own name.  
  
Yahiko had been busy practicing the Kamiya Kasshin style, when Kaoru, worried about Kenshin, force him to go out and look for him.   
  
"Stupid ugly hag! She threatened not to give me lessons today...*groan*"  
  
Suddenly, loud girly giggling was heard from the women's clothing shop across the street. Intrigued, Yahiko paused and looked in the window and who did his brown eyes behold?  
  
None other than: KENSHIN HIMURA AND SANOSUKE SAGARA; CROSS-DRESSING!!!  
  
"Oh My God!" Yahiko screamed and ran into the clothing store, something he wouldn't normally do. Kenshin was wearing a pink kimono and waving a fan in front of his face and Sano was trying on the latest shade of lipstick to match with his red kimono.  
  
"Oh Zanzy!" the red-head crooned, "That shade of lipstick looks FABULOUS on you!"  
  
"You think so, Battousa? Well, your kimono is to die for!" Sano had gotten so caught-up in playing dress up with Kenshin that he totally forgot he was a man, and that he was in public.  
  
"Hello girls..." a familiar voice butted in at that very moment.  
  
Sano stopped in mid-giggle and froze, then turned around slowly. "YAHIKO?!!!"  
  
Kenshin however, was unabashed and he waved at the young boy, "Hello Yahiko, care to try on some dresses with us?"  
  
Yahiko never heard him, however, for he was too caught up in hysterical laughter: " Aaaahhhh HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HO HO HO HO HEEEE HE HE HE HE HE HE!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! I'm going to tell Kaoru!" he said and ran out the door.  
  
"YAHIKO WAIT!" Sano screamed, but it was too late.  
  
Seconds later, Kaoru Kamiya burst through the door of the women's clothing store, having run there as fast as she could.  
  
"KENSHIN! NO!!!"  
  
"Hello Miss Kaoru, how do you like my dress?"  
  
"Kenshin you jerk! How could you do this to me?! I can't believe you...." she began crying while Sano sweatdropped.  
  
"Miss Kaoru? What's wrong?" Kenshin, unaware why she was crying, meekly asked.  
  
"YOU'RE WHAT'S WRONG YOU BIG SELFISH IDIOT! I'll show you! I'll show you all!" Kaoru ran out the door and across the street into another shop.  
  
What was that shop across the street? Oh yes....a men's clothing shop!  
  
A few minutes later, a handsome young gentleman, albiet short, walked out of the men's clothing store with a suit a hat, and japanese tie (like a suit, but in ancient japan style I guess!) and walked over to the women's store then entered.  
  
"Hello Kenshin, or should I say, BATTOUSA." A women's voice trying to disguise itself as male said loudly to the cross-dressing ex-manslayer.  
  
"Miss Kaoru?" Kenshin asked.  
  
"That's MR. KAMIYA to you!"  
  
"What have we done..." Sano trailed off and ran quickly to change back into his normal clothes.  
  
Yahiko laughed his head off some more in the background while the shopkeepers looked on in interest at the exchange.  
  
"That's what you get for turning into a woman on me!" Kaoru sneered at Kenshin. "Now I'm a man and we can still be together!"  
  
"Miss Kaoru...I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I only did it because I love you..." Kenshin turned bright red and turned his head away.  
  
Kaoru's eyes got all shiny and she clasped her hands together. "You mean, you dressed up like a woman...for me?"  
  
Kenshin nodded, "I wanted to understand you better and found myself having too much fun...so I kinda dragged Sano in when he caught me."  
  
"Oh Kenshin...I love you too!" Kaoru embraced him in a tight hug and the two of them left the store arm in arm still wearing their respective (huh?) cross-dressing clothes.  
  
Sano emerged from getting dressed a minute later holding an empty sake bottle:   
  
"Well, well, looks like Kenshin's been drinking...That explains alot." and with a sweatdrop he started leaving the store when the girl at the counter cried out:  
  
"Wait! That man, woman, whatever he was, didn't pay for those clothes!"  
  
"And I'm supposed to? Oh well, just put it on my tab. Thanks, you're a doll. Ja ne! He said and threw the sake bottle on the floor behind him.  
  
Yahiko was waiting outside the door for Sano and grinned evvvviiilllly at him.  
  
Sano glared, "We're never speaking of this again."  
  
"Whatever you say, Zanzy, whatever you say..." and he started running anticipating Sano's anger.  
  
"WHY YOU LITTLE BRAT! GET BACK HERE! IT WAS ALL KENSHIN'S FAULT! I DIDN'T WANT TO DRESS UP LIKE A WOMAN!" he chased after him like a madman down the streets.  
  
~END~  
  
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HA HA HA! The things I do to those poor poor boys. I promise I'll never do it again, scouts honor (Psshh, like I'm a Scout!) Read and Review! 


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